Death is Such a Tease


Death likes to take it nice and slow. She’ll twirl around the pole of life, and strip away pieces of garments. Some people pay their hard- earned money to see Death up close and personal. She flirts with our mortal fears. All you have to do is enjoy the show.

Victims portrayed in shitty horror scenarios rarely have the pleasure of dying a quick death, right? Their life begins to extinguish long before a rusted axe cleaves their skull. The mood is set before the deadly deed is done. Gore porn fanatics don’t care who becomes worm food—they just want to see how they become worm food.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who’s going to bite the big one.

Gee….is it going to be the pretty lady wearing the sports bra and denim shorts? How ’bout the shirtless meathead roaming around in the dark woods? When we hear the branch snap, that’s when Death starts swinging around the pole. When the shadows start to move, that’s when Death starts revealing the bits you paid your hard-earned money to see. When the dumb meathead gets devoured by insatiable zombies, that’s when we see the money shot.

Shallow characters may explode like a cherry bomb, but they can’t spontaneously appear out of a creative vacuum. Drunk campers, pretty torture victims, overzealous heroes, maniac slashers—the stage has to be set before any action takes place. Cheap horror teases fatal possibilities. Death voyeurs knew Derrick was going to die before he became a zombie snack…even if his dumb demise was quick, the cheap foreplay left a strange taste in our mouth.


You can’t just spray blood and guts everywhere, right? The audience needs to be warmed up first.


We may not know a damn thing about Derrick, but we knew he was going to die, and that’s what matters. No one wanted to see Derrick toss around a pigskin, or score a touchdown. No one wanted to see Derrick ask Caroline out on a date. Who the hell is Caroline? We never even knew who Derrick was!

Death loves to tease, like when a clumsy college student trips while running away from something infected with blood lust. What happens to people who trip?

They end up getting fucked.

Or dead.



Written By



Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 830 other followers

Follow SlasherMonster on

Contribute To SMM

  •   Instructions for submitting to SlasherMonsterMagazine is as follows. Please read everything on this page before submitting.   SUBMISSION PROCEDURES   Instructions: All fiction, poetry, and art (drawings, collages, photography, etc.) are to be emailed to   Guidelines: SlasherMonster is seeking original horror and dark fantasy work. All types of horror and dark fantasy are welcome. No subject should be considered off-limits, and we encourage [Click Here & Be Scared!]
  • You don’t mind letting your horns show, right? sign-up for a monthly SMM subscription and you’ll be granted immediate access to premium services which cater to monsters just like you! [Click Here & Be Scared!]
About Dead Donovan (147 Articles)
You look a little pale....oh!...forgive me! My name is Dead Donovan. SlasherMonster is devoted to the dissection of horrific material: articles, short-stories, poems, photography, graphic art -- the stuff that makes your heart shrivel.

16 Comments on Death is Such a Tease

  1. Death is the walker
    As I follow close behind
    It’s not so bad once
    You learn your place
    Toys for adults
    Playing hide and seek
    Death is the walker
    As I close the casket door

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I can’t get enough of your articles! Lmao.There’s nothing on WordPress as original, irreverent, or hilarious! I’m not ready to see Death stripped down and pole dancing, but when I am, I’ll definitely slap a crisp dollar bill inside the waistband of his thong. 😆😆🤑

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree, just the slaughter can get rather boring if there’s nothing more to it. Sure is a good spice, though;) Good post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I like your style Sir. 💀💀💀

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Death does look hot on that stripper pole!
    We dated for a while but grew apart. I couldn’t handle her work schedule, always out all night dragging corpses around, she really needed to get a life!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol! Very clever. I did enjoy the image of Death as a stripper. It’s scary, because you know when all her clothes come off, then she really means business. 😜 It’s good you broke up with her before she could kill the relationship!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Death becomes you. Hey, isn’t that a movie?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Dead Donovan Slasher Monster, please visit our website
    and tell me what you think about it


It's Okay To Scream!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: