Ahhhh! Oh. Excuse me. Pardon the involuntary airy expulsion.
How come bipedal mortals (humans) scream when they’re scared? Have you noticed that? Perhaps you’ve been the victim of an involuntary airy expulsion. What caused it? One of them eight-legged atrocities? A scary movie that most likely simulated the demise of a stupid drunk frat boy? One second he’s lapping down a beer, hahaha, and then…CRUNCH! He’s dead.
And you scream.
Or perhaps you’re one of those lucky individuals who experiences an involuntary expulsion from their ass.
Screaming doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?
All kidding aside, screaming is a beyond stupid evolutionary defense mechanism. Kind of. Yeah. Sure. Screaming has its perks. If a hyena is biting your face off, then screaming will alert everyone within earshot to run away and save their own face.
Screaming also shines a big ol’ spotlight on the individual doing the screaming, which may seem like that’s the point of…ummm…screaming. However…
This hypothetical hyena has pals. And they’re also very hungry. They also can’t see well in the dark, but they sure as shit can hear someone expelling sound-waves out of their mouth. And that’s not good for preserving one’s skin. Or face. Or legs. Or arms. Or stomach. Or bones. Or soul. Hyena eat everything.
Even when nobody is around—people still scream when they’re surprised by a broken ankle or leg. Falling from fatal heights, usually squeezes a scream out of someone, as if Superman himself is going to swoop down from the wild blue yonder and snatch them away from the grasp of death. Screaming worked for a descending Lois Lane, but it won’t cushion the fall of a 3-D mortal.
Hearing a person’s scream is like being raped by their demise.
The forceful cacophonous penetration twists and turns your guts. You may not be able to see who’s being devoured by the hyena, but you’ll be able to feel every bite—the screams awaken a primitive pain.
After all: everyone is on the menu.
Saber tooth tigers chowed down on our ancestors. And who knows what chowed down on our ancestors’ ancestors. Obviously something very hungry, because somewhere deep inside of us all, we’re still scared.
Speaking of deep inside, screaming can also be induced between the sheets.
Unexpected joyous occasions, or happy surprises (or endings…depending on the situation), may invoke an involuntary airy expulsion. There’s a fine purple velvet line between pain and pleasure, yet the audible expressions are often indistinguishable.
Screams of horror and screams of pleasure produce similar symptoms: moaning, groaning, begging…
Is a hyena really doing the eating? Or is it something else? I’ll let you decide.
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